It only qualifies as gallows humor if it comes from the person on the gallows. Headphones all day, every day! 26 Jun 2023 0. In fact, if shes like some other Cathy types I know, shell like OP better, because verbal directness is a virtue to them. Would you please talk to Cathy about this? All I was trying to get at is that this kind of incorrect perception may be part of the reason why no one is handling the matter well. June 24, 2023. Personally I think its fine and is obviously intended as a joke, but I realize not everyone will agree. If she taps your shoulder or waves, put up the finger again. Say this loud enough for the manager to hear you. Good luck! Fellow government worker here. When Im annoyed, everything becomes annoying, even the things that dont directly affect me; this is very good advice that I need to remind myself of regularly. Unless I shut them down which I do! But there was an instance where she was in her cubicle yelling at a programmer. I AM WORKING! So from now on, if you come over to chat, Im going to cut you off and ask you to leave. LW needs to lose their cool again. How to Deal With a Co-Worker Who Wont Stop Talking - U.S. As someone whose cube mate can start going on and on about completely inane stuff forever, I can empathize. I said that they probably THINK that they cant deal with it. Greetings. This is a classic example of the compulsive talkera person who lacks the ability to control what they say and when they say it. (Thanks, Dexter). Right now. Meanwhile, start polishing up your resume in case step 8 fails. I want you to leave now, I want you to stop talking. Thats somehow incredibly annoying and incredibly adorable at the same time. Worked nicely enough that wed also caution tape off study tables to show we needed a quiet zone, and maybe those that wanted to talk about the handle of vodka they drank last night should go to someone elses cube. If she waves in your face, push her hand away! It didnt block access, and so wasnt a fire hazard, but it meant that no one interrupted him unless it was very important . But it worked. Ignoring her does not work. If management STILL does nothing, HR is always an option. Everyone I work with knows what hes like, and our manager will fairly regularly just walk out of his office and say Fergus stop talking, people are trying to work. She said every single thought that came into her mind. thank you for that. Tell them what you want them to do, and why, and be clear, but please be kind. There is no need. Feel empowered to be as forceful as necessary; sometimes the kindest thing to do is tell the truth, even if it hurts. OP is the one who needs compassion here. Thankfully my workplace has fixed a lot of management issues in the last few years, but the group scoldings/passive aggressive amendments to the dress code used to be insane. Pretty much this. This was in a call center where everyones login time etc was tracked. Thats a good point. We pussyfooted around trying to tell her in ways that would be kind/polite/face-saving and it Did. Yeah, to me OP has the most purview over things that specifically interrupt OPs own ability to work and cannot be ignored like someone literally coming over and waving their hand in OPs face only to start nattering on about something meaningless. I just cringed so hard for that poor soul. Youre probably hoping for a way to get her to leave you alone that doesnt(a) require you having to be rude or (b) end in her hating you. No one is able to meet that kind of needs. * Keep wearing your giant headphones. Dude never apologized and I dont think he told my officemate to stop the chatter, either. My kid asked for me help in how not to sit next to Tiffany, because she loved Tiffany and didnt want to hurt her feelings, but Tiffany kept talking to her in chapel, and then when my kid would finally say, Shh, by that time the noise from Tiffany had drawn the attention from the teacher, and the first thing the teacher would see, once she focused, as MY kids saying, were not supposed to talk in chapel. (We ended up writing a letter to the teacher, asking her to help avoid the seating arrangements. You are being harassed, to a certain extent. You know how they say if a shark stops moving they will die? My work used to do this. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. I will get up and leave my office, closing the door behind me, while she is on minute 15+ of talking. You are there to work and so is she. Luckily there are some easy ways to get out of those situations. You cant make the cat GAF about your needs or wants, but you can adjust the rewards of certain behaviors so that the cat will opt voluntarily to make other choices. For instance, she will straight up yell at anyone (coworkers, programmers, supervisors) if they point out a mistake shes made. Whether its right or not. So, here are your strategies going forward: * Be very, very blunt with like when you snapped at her. From what I understand, dogs are better able to generalize a rule to other circumstances. Thats my current situation, and its hard to get a word in edgewise. If Alisons advice doesnt do it perhaps an office chorus of this will work: https://youtu.be/UosZ4mXL8EI. And then for the rest of the day the answer is Nope, you had your 10 minutes. She also complains that her air consumption is so high compared to others. I cant wear headphones for a long time with my position, though occasionally, I would slip them on, but he would at least leave me alone when they were on. You are being incredibly rude right now. Or Jane, I have told you repeatedly that Im not interested and that I need to work. Luckily, I only had to deal with her for a month until she moved onto another show at a different company. Step 8: If HR does not act upon this within the week, get out. The only response they got was are you a child? Sometimes, talkaholics wont quit because theyre masking some deeper, underlying issue or insecurity. In real life, though, you really cant disrupt the whole office with a referees whistle without becoming the problem yourself. Saying Im unproductive does not really convey the problem. OP, if NONE of the above suggestions, including those in the comments (most, if not all, of which are much more professional than what Im about to say) there is also the completely unprofessional method: It might be worth also telling them what your action plan is for dealing with her going forward so that inevitably when she talks to them or others about it they will know whats going on. we had a really awful patron at the library who would refuse to work with certain staff. Im on a time crunch and keep doing what youre doing. Our supervisory team has sent out emails about appropriate office conversations and language, but it just doesnt get through to her. I have had to do this before for a different reason there was an EA who felt like she could tell people what to do because her executive could tell people what to do. ), All food needs to be taken home at the end of the week and not left in the refrigerator. Also, let her knock or wave her hand all she wants. After numerous such friends, including the one who whacked off in front of my mom and the one whod call me at 2 am repeatedly to cry about how hed be Forever Alone because I wouldnt marry him (we werent even dating) I am DONE with them. He just says no or go away and goes about his business. This made me think of the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, to try shutting her up, start with the Sssh! sound he makes, then the 3 finger poke in the ribs, to Snap the animals mind out of the negative behavior., Too bad you couldnt put a collar up under her ears, so you could yank her leash sideways to snap the mind out of the obsessive/negative/never ending behavior.. I think she may have legit had some sort of mental wiring issue this was beyond being chatty, it was like it was compulsive. I used to respond in order to be polite, but I saw it was making me waste vast stretches of time indulging her, so at this point, we all just let whatever she wants to chat about (mostly very personal information about her life, such as details about a health issue shes currently handling) fade into the background whenever were busy. She still knocked on my cubicle wall or desk or waved her hand next to my face to get my attention. If the managers dont do anything I would file a complaint with HR for harassment. Yeah, shes a human being and its hard when you what you say will likely hurt someone. Thats a real coincidence, Im not wearing underwear! If her manager wont do anything, ask your manager if you can telecommute at least a few days a week to be more productive. Note their reactions and particularly any promises they made regarding dealing with the issue. Youre distracting me and Im trying to work. And Im painfully nice in real life. Like, if someone is hitting on you unwantedly, or prosetylising, or trying to sell double glazing and wont take no for an answer, you NEED to tell them to go away. Thats proof that shell never be held accountable or disciplined. So then you have to start policing other peoples behavior while youre writing them up, so you dont look like youre playing favorites. Say I have an issue I need your help with. It feels really rude to me but she doesnt seem to mind much. Workplace advice columnist Alison Greene recently did her best to advise someone in the unenviable position of dealing with a talkaholic who dominates team meetings, without fail, every time they occur. I dont have time to chat. Even if management doesnt step up (they should, but sometimes we have to accept that they wont) Alisons suggestions should help OP help herself here. ], can it wait until dinner? half the time he goes in his room and tells an imaginary someone. Thats why I put the cant in quotes this is not reality but (possible) perception. Nor has he complained to anyone about them. Ive got work to do. Fairness and equity and covering their asses and junk. Close your yap and go away! I know people who have changed their entire work schedules to minimize the time spent around Mathildus. Do not follow me; Stop talking and leave my cubicle, I need to work. Maybe shell get mad at the OP and give them the silent treatment!! If I saw her heading to my office, I would pretend to have to use the bathroom or go down to the store. Also, just as a counter to that, by completely ignoring your cues as well as droning on about things you dont even want to hear about and possibly even causing you to not look great in front of your boss, well, Cathy really isnt being all that nice to YOU so again, you dont need to be mean back, but she hasnt exactly earned nice at this point. She is not allowed to interrupt you outside of those times unless it is for specific work questions (with no chit-chat addendums in those interruptions). To be sure, there is a scientific term for this kind of malady: talkaholic, which was coined by psychologists James C. McCroskey and Virginia P. Richmond in 1995. Possibly with a glass pressed against the door? For sure, chatty cathy shouldnt be talking about her attire, and she should dress professionally. It sounds like your job isnt client facing and her professional behavior (or lack thereof) doesnt concern your supervisors that much. This person will not leave you alone, simply because she cannot follow social cues and keep her verbal diarrhea to herself. A little sign on cardstock that you pull out of your desk as she arrives: Im concentrating. And he is on the desk NEXT to me I dont even have the luxury of a privacy screen (gotta love open plan offices) there is NO physical barrier between him and me he even reaches over to take MY HANDSET to cover MY CALLS when Im taking a face to face query (the policy is we have a group pick up option, so you use your own handset, but nooooooo). The only times Ive gotten her to successfully stop doing something rude and messed up was to be rude and blunt consistently and repeatedly until she learned that bringing up X would always result in me doing Y. Dont feel bad about it. Im working. Everytime she came up to me. There was another cat in the house who did not understand the rule, and would stay on the table until removed, and we could clearly see her thinking, But OtherCat gets on the table!. I sometimes have to remind myself that reasonable norms are for reasonable people. update: how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Im pondering OP getting some kind of loud horn to honk at her :P, This stuck out to me: I have asked to move cubicles, citing the fact that I feel unproductive, but my requests have been denied, twice. Not if showing the level of compassion the coworker is expecting could make OP lose their own job. But Id be tempted to. Sigh. Obviously you wont get it all out at once, but its the gist of what you want to cover. Not that I really care if shes wearing a bra or not, but why on earth is this something you would announce in your office? My colleague is simply a blank slate every day, which is actually great for the part of our job thats customer-focused. Hopefully this lady is not one of them. Commenting for the first time to say that I work with someone exactly like this in fact I supervise him regularly. Impulse control disorder, compulsive behavior, brain tumor. If we had offices with doors that closed or even locked, it would go a long way for some of us who legitimately need peace and quiet. Its all goodshe doesnt want to tell me about her weekend anymore. /rant, Does anyone else remember this comment about slowly extending a cup of tea into a coworkers line of sight to interrupt them: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/01/employee-is-flippant-when-i-correct-her-mistakes-interrupting-someone-whos-wearing-headphones-and-more.html#comment-1818344? Ugh, I had a manager like this too, we had monthly team meetings where a good chunk was always devoted to scolding about schedule adherence. If not, you may have to resort to telling her flat-out I dont care. I can no longer make any visual or audible response to an email or phone call because it takes ALL of his attention and he NEEDS to know what its about. Ha! This is how they say to train a cat. This co-worker is almost 15 years my senior, but he has very, very poor social and interpersonal skills. True, the way OP describes this person it does sound like shes completely aware of the norms and that shes being annoying on purpose. Grant writing in progress! She sounds like an ex-college roommate of mine who loved to talk and didnt care if I was listening or not. Explain to both manager and HR that you are being harassed by a coworker who wont leave you alone, follows you around, speaks to you hours each day, and announces when shes not wearing underwear. But theyre not.). Im just screaming into the void with those two. I used to work with a woman exactly like this. I actually like this idea. Theres even a diagnostic test to evaluate where on the talkaholic scale one might fall, although participation in such a scheme requires at least some semblance of self-awarenesswhich is usually in fleeting supply for most over-talkers. Its affecting my ability to focus on my work, and Im at my wits end. My stomach would fill with dread every time I walked into the office and saw her sitting there though. my coworker never stops talking and I mean NEVER I wrote back and asked: Does she do this to everyone else too? Firstly, stop him from using your handset. Go away. I also trained him by only discussing things I was interested in. Lol @ Conversational Catherine! I never heard that before. Hi, this woman sounds a lot like my mother. To which she responded, Oh, okay. They just dont have a clue or dont care. And possibly put this on your supervisor since they have been so terrible about dealing with her. Love it or hate it, Everybody looked over and she had to sheepishly admit she just wanted to chat. I admit, I didnt restrain my reaction as much as I could have in the moment because I wanted to send the clear signal that I didnt want to be disturbed. Document the situations where she didnt just come by buy made it difficult for you to work. Good grief what is wrong with people? Go away I am busy. Dont know if thats the case here but if it is they probably all get dress code reminders too. She also has a tendency to come into work sans bra. Non-stop monologues/dominating conversations. Everytime I told these people off, they would demand an apology afterwards, shame me, bad-mouth me and play the victim. I really wish I could just black it out. Judging by the dress code emails they send out, they are aware of how she dresses but arent willing to deal with it directly. The only thing to do is get rid of her, and management here wont let anyone go for anything less that outright fraud or failing a drug test. Step 2: If she tries to argue with you: Cathy, leave me alone. Yeah this was helpful for us and Alison, to understand the type of person were dealing with, but I agree it doesnt require any action on OPs part and that OP should black it out from now on. Right, I could just see this chick move the screen off to the side to get into the cube to bother her. Why is management not noticing this, and who is getting stuck with her work since its clearly not getting done? Doesnt matter what the response consists of, so not responding is an invitation to continue trying to get a response, and then its an endurance test. Good luck! If its a group dive, when one person is done everyone is done, so she may be cutting everyone elses dive short! And if they find you unpleasant enough, usually they will leave you alone. Not only blunt and clear with the Chatty Cathy, but also with supervisors. Of course that doesnt mean OP has to just let her work be disrupted forever this is like the panic attack letter earlier in the week. So there is no reason you cannot tell him not to look at your screen UNLESS YOU TELL HIM OTHERWISE. She would show up in my office and start giving orders. My reply? If it was a topic I was interested in, Id indulge in a few minutes of chit chat before merrily chirping that I had to get back to work. I have one of these in the office, but she uses the chat to our group in order to grab attention. Be sure to keep your records and give copies to managers, HR, etc. People will have different standards on this sort of thing. Your talking is distracting. 1 thing people miss when they talk about happiness. It would cause a massive war if anyone filed a grievance, and I believe that it would solve very little. updates: the monthly hikes, the coworker with the criminal record, and more, the outraged notes littering offices everywhere, update: my employee blows up my phone with memes and videos even in the middle of the night and refuses to stop, employer wants to hire my replacement but I havent quit, bosss daughter watches me while I work, and more, HR said a coworkers religion didnt count, employer wants me to lie about why Im leaving, and more, update: I feel no ambition whatsoever at work, updates: the blame-throwing employee, wearing a wedding ring to an interview, and more, updates: company asked for documentation of my dietary restrictions, Im afraid people at work will think Im being abused, and more. Im not the office grump to everyone, but I wear my non-abusive rudeness badge proudly regarding the reps because they are so awful (coworkers call me the Rep Whisperer since I got them in line). However this way you are definitely putting it in their court, and creating a trail if needed later and letting them know that collectively everyone is being burdened by one employee. If being direct works, Id share your tips with your coworkers. *snicker* bonus points if it is an extremely matronly woman who says this. True, its possible that this coworker is protected by some kind of mental condition. I got proactive and would head out the door at quitting time, with a Hey, well pick this up tomorrow. She needs more than generalized e-mails to make her stop, and I need your help so that I can meet my work goals.. If youve done your best to be nice and indulge your talkaholic co-worker, you can then move on to being candid and direct. She got it. She didnt want to offend anyone or make anyone feel badly. OP, you have my sympathies. Or break into a run and and see if she can keep up. My guess is once youve registered a formal complaint you will get a new office. it also suprises me that she hasnt been reprimanded and fired if she wont stop.